Yesterday I shared how I started dancing and how it changed my life. But why does dancing in the dark have anything to do with your home?
Yesterday I shared how I started dancing and how it changed my life. But why does dancing in the dark have anything to do with your home?
Get your free printable journal at awakenyourinterior.com/resources and start listening closely to your body.
Hi I’m Tasha Cleaveland, welcome back to my podcast, Listening Closely. Yesterday we talked about how I started dancing and how it changed my life. But are you curious how dancing in the dark has anything to do with your home?
I know how hard it can be to live in a home that doesn’t feel right. It's not your fault. You were never taught how to create a home that makes you feel alive.
The key is inside you, we just need to unlock it, and this podcast is where you begin.
I’m Tasha Cleaveland, welcome to the Listening Closely podcast.
I had known I wanted to be an interior designer from the time I was 8. I could just feel spaces in a way that people around me didn’t. I could see things and visualize things from other perspectives. I applied to the best design school in September my Senior year of highschool. By October I was in. I was SO excited to hurry up and get on with my life. I was like Rapunzel singing “when will my life begin”. Ever feel like that? Lets hurry up on this childhood stuff! I got plans!
So there I was, off to college for interior design, and at first it was great. I was excited. We were creating all these wonderful projects and learning so much. And we would meet real designers, doing it in the real world, and I would be like… Yes! oh. Oh no. Not like that. I could feel the pomp and ego hanging thick in the air. “Nope, not here. Thats not the right path. Ok, keep looking. Keep going.” I knew if I kept studying and searching I would find the avenue that felt right. That felt real. That felt like they cared about the client as much as their image. But I didn’t. I graduated with an education, but without a map. They taught me the how, but no one mentioned the why. Why am I doing this? Who am I serving? What do they need from me? I remember one designer sharing how proud she was to have returned to a client’s house years later, and the accessories she placed on the table were still there, exactly as she left them. Uhhhh, what? I think my jaw was on the floor. What kind of house is that? Do they actually live there? That is the opposite of what I want to create for someone. A home is a place that is constantly shifting to your needs. It's not a museum. And so I graduated from that big beautiful building in the middle of Los Angeles, and I felt completely lost.
After a lot of searching I found what I was looking for. Re-design. Two women, Pam & Marcia, were teaching a course and I signed up. There it was, the heart. The repurposing what people already had and making it work better. I thought, this is IT. So I finished the course and offered my friends re-designs. But I didn’t have kids then, and they did. And I didn’t really understand what that meant. You can’t just make something look good, it has to work for the needs of the household in that moment. I didn’t get that pretty things cant be lower than 3 feet or even on a coffee table without becoming a projectile. I didn’t get that you can’t just hide the kid clutter, you have to make it function. I didn’t understand you can’t will your way into the home you want when you have small humans to negotiate with. I didn’t get it. How could I? And then… I popped out a baby.
The thing about living with kids is that you learn to pick your battles pretty quickly. You let them walk outside in their socks because you know you’ve already asked them not to, a million times, and pretty soon, you’re gonna have to talk about screen time. And you gotta save up your strength. You learn that they somehow manage to get hand and footprints everywhere, even the ceiling. You begin saying things you never thought would roll off your tongue. Like “why is there a barbie in the freezer?” “What is molding under the couch?” “Did you really put your dirty underwear back on after your shower?” “No, you can’t finger paint the side of the house.” Or my personal fave “Please- stop putting your brother in the trunk.” The reality of this life settles in quickly and you buy things based on what’s not gonna show dirt and what milk will wash off of. You trade the handblown holiday ornaments for unbreakable ones because those shiny balls are so fun to throw. You tuck away all your fragile decor, well, what’s left of it at least. And trust me, I was right there with you. It was a solid 10 years before I put anything fragile back out and it survived more than a month. But that day came. And I promise it will for you too, eventually.
About a year ago I was volunteering at a Tony Robbins event. I was lost, trying to find parking in LA. If you’ve ever done that, you can feel my pain. I was stopped, my headlights shining at a wall that said Design school parking. My heart sank. Not just any school. My school. Another reminder that I let my dream slip away. Another reminder of the bodysnatching and detour that motherhood took me on. Sure, I “had it all” like they say, 3 amazing kids, juggling a photography company with my husband, then a co-op homeschool, and finally 6 years ago working as an art consultant and designer. But design was still the side dish. I was squeezing my passion into the spaces left over. I was struggling to fit it all in and not collapse at the end of the day. I was struggling to have anything left of myself to give to my kids and my husband. No one tells you that having it all, isn’t easy. We don’t like to admit that, do we. In the battle of staying at home with the kids versus going back to work, there’s a truckload of mama guilt in both directions. Well, Im not ok with that. You, mama, are doing a fantastic job. However you slice that sandwich, its your sandwich. Only you know all the ingredients. Only you know how you like it sliced. No one can make these choices but you. And you need to know that no matter what you choose, its gonna be hard. You are gonna envy the ones on the other side, and they are looking right back at you with the same desire. Have compassion for each other. We are all in this together. Here I was staring at my old dreams, highlighted by headlights with words that made me feel like a failure. And it stung.
The next day, at the event I noticed the hall beside us was an interior design convention. I stood there at the glass wall looking in. All the fancy booths and displays. I thought, someone is sending me a message. Ok, universe. I hear you. “No time today, but tomorrow. Tomorrow I will find a way in.” But there was no time. Finally, the next day I had a moment before my shift, but as I walked up to the wall of glass, I saw it. Forklifts were loading everything into boxes. Just construction workers left. Tears streaming down my face, I thought, why am I always too late for myself? I sat down with my team and because what we do there is practice authenticity, there was no hiding my shattering. I have such gratitude for them. My team leader, Toby, asked me, “What if right here is where you are supposed to be? What if it wasn’t in there at all?” He was right. I knew that world of pomp and perfection wasn’t for me. And that is when I realized my detours of being a mom to 3 kids who stretched me in every possible way, and then 6 years of personal development and marriage growth, it made me the person I am today. It made me feel deeper, try harder, and understand other people in a way I never could have 20 years ago.
And so, I will ask you the same question. “What if right here is where you are supposed to be?” What if I could show you a short cut, a path to creating the life and home of your dreams. What if you could finally live in a space that nourishes you? What if you could move through the world, in love with your body and listening to and giving what it’s asking of you? What would that feel like? Isn’t it time you found out?
Marie Kondo teaches that you have to touch your belongings to find out what “sparks joy”. She is absolutely right. When you surround yourself with only things that you love, your life changes. But what happens if you don’t exactly know what you love? Where do you start then? I get it. You might be asking yourself, how? How do I start to love my body? Why does that matter? I can’t figure out what I need, I don’t even know what I want for dinner. I can’t dance. I don’t even get why that will help at all. Its simple. You start with one step. You move with me, cause that’s where it all starts. You can’t just jump to the candy coating without looking at what lies beneath. You can’t just get rid of everything because you haven’t handled why you got the stuff in the first place. You haven’t looked at what need it was serving for you. Yes it this journey gets deeper and richer. There are so many layers to teach you along the way. But the key, the big secret, is you don’t have to know a darn thing. Your body is already smarter than you give it credit for. And your body, will take you where you want to go. This, my dear, is your red slipper moment. Because what you seek has been inside you all along.
I hope you had a moment to journal last night. Did you notice anything? Does your sleep or food or music impact your day? No judgement. Just noticing. How was your Soulwork. Did you take the time to linger and what caused you to stop long enough to notice you wanted it? The more you notice these things, the more you can bring them into your life. It’s really that simple.
Heres what I noticed yesterday:
Space I improved: My closet. Ok, I have a secret. Im in the closet. Like literally. Its the only quiet place in my whole house, and Im hiding from my kids so I can talk to you. But my life tends to be like the kids story “if you give a mouse a cookie”. I couldn’t get in here with all the shoes and things on the floor. And you know what happens when you start to clean out your closet? You need cookies. Wait no… but totally yes. So I am trying to clean out my closet so I can get in here, and end up going through all the baby keepsakes. And you know what happens when… well, you get it. But I finally finished. And it feels glorious.
Today when we move I want you to consider that question again. “What if right here is where you are supposed to be?”
The song for today is:
"Something Like This", by Gordi
I love the rise of this song. It feels grounding and inspiring. Let’s see how you feel.
(Movement focus: not moving until your body tells you)
Soulwork for today:
Practice letting your body lead you today. It can be super simple. Notice when your back aches from cleaning up or sitting at your computer and stop. Feel into it. Do your legs need you to get up and just stretch for a second? Does your back need you to slowly touch your toes and pivot gently. Breathe.
Notice the call, let your body lead you, breathe.
Until tomorrow. Lots of love.